Korridorium

♫ GameLAN-Party ♫

29/398

I enter the corridor—the one designed to boost my short prose blog’s Google ranking, plunging right into a search engine-optimized, or SEO, copy. This text aims not so much at its readers but primarily at Google’s search ranking algorithm, seeking to feign being informative by focusing on crucial keywords like “corridor” and “short prose.” In reality, its sole purpose is to repeatedly and subtly insert and vary the search-relevant keywords (such as “short prose” and “corridor“) throughout its content. The goal is to trick Google and its mystery-shrouded ranking algorithm into believing it’s a vital contribution to the field (e.g., corridor short prose or short prose corridors), thus earning a high PageRank and a coveted spot at the top of Google’s search results.

However, we mustn’t succumb to a narrow corridor or tunnel vision: Attention-grabbing websites shouldn’t overdo the “corridor” keyword in their text, and definitely shouldn’t resort to repeating key phrases (e.g., “short prose, shortest prose, ultra-short prose“) in white text on a white background at the bottom of the page ad nauseam. This is no longer even considered advertising poetry or prose but simply shortsighted, because Google now penalizes that with devaluation and relegation to the lower, forgotten reaches of its search results corridor.

In short: “Prose” of this kind is counterproductive and plays into the hands of the competition. In other words, the corridor is long, the prose short. Or, to put it even more blandly: Here you will find what you’re looking for and can finally follow your destiny (of which you probably had no inkling) and enter the short prose Korridorium.

♫ Kamelle! ♫

103/398

I enter ze corridor … (The residents of Cologne we are talking about here don’t speak genuine German either, and certainly not during Carnival, which may be due to alcohol, but not only. Translator’s note) … behind ze stage of ze Stunksitzung. Ze Funkenmariechen are gone, ze last little bouquet has been thrown, ze last fanfare has faded, all ze booze-casualties have been collected und handed in at ze coat check. (It’s the aftermath of a big stage show during the carnival, with young women dancing in traditional costumes, while the celebrating Jecken remain blissfully oblivious to the inherent objectification. Translator’s note).

Ze revelers have vunce again really let rip: ze Cologne camarilla, ze Euro misery, ze stock market debahkull, ze climate catastrophe, all ze crises in ze Middle und Far East simultanuhsly, ze millions of starving tykes around ze vorld…

Boy, did ve laugh!

♫ Blowfish ♫

150/398

I enter the corridor. Even though I’ve just hit the snooze button on my alarm clock, unfortunately, my bladder is pressing. While on the john, it occurs to me that I had a dream last night that resembled a revelation. A man in an orange robe with a sort of mitre on his head whispered a sentence into my ear—a maxim that opened my eyes to the state of our world, to all the problems we are currently grappling with, and the tremendous opportunity that presents itself to us right now—if only we weren’t too blinded by routine to recognize it. I remember it was four words, and they rhymed: four words of unparalleled explosive force, a maxim that would herald a new era in human history, a new stage of civilization.

It was about the extremes of possible human lifestyles, I recall, and the entire spectrum of human expression in the world.

Fortunately—relief washes over me—I had the presence of mind to jot down those four epochal words during a brief awakening last night, sensing that I might have forgotten them by morning.

Filled with anticipation, I rush back to the bedroom and find the note on the floor next to the bed. In capital letters, there they are, the four revolutionary words, on par with Hermes Trismegistus’ “As above, so below,” Nietzsche’s “God is dead,” or Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream.”

But that’s the thing with dreams. I should have known. We’re not exactly at our sharpest; we often possess a childlike, naive disposition that gets excited about things that wouldn’t even elicit a tired smile when awake.

So, I must disappoint you.

The maxim doesn’t rhyme.

Otherwise… Well, read for yourself whether it harbors the profound illuminating power I had sensed in it, whether it is the conceptual gem that describes, analyzes, and criticizes our time, while simultaneously offering a practical solution to all the ills we have conjured throughout our history, encapsulated in just these four words: “Pope peeps, plebs poots.”

♫ Booster Doze ♫

161/398

I enter the Corridor. The hotel warmly welcomes me from its excellent location above the village of Knossos, overlooking the archaeological site of Knossos and offering me all modern amenities, just 5 km from Heraklion with its shops, restaurants, bars, and vibrant nightlife. (Well, that’s the absolute least they could do, right?)

Decorated in traditional Greek style, the rooms at the Corridor Hotel Knossos Palace feature a private bathroom with a tropical rain shower, where I also find a hairdryer, bathrobe, slippers, and complimentary luxury toiletries. (That’s all you’ve got?)

The interior and ambiance of the Boutique Hotel Palace Corridor are inspired by the legendary Labyrinth of Knossos, which was awarded the European Heritage Label. (Aha! Now that actually sounds like something!) Attractive, individually designed corridors adorned with antique artworks and free Wi-Fi throughout the Palace Corridor Hotel Knossos building welcome me into a warm, family-friendly yet contemporary, elegant atmosphere where I will feel completely at home—not least thanks to the attentive hotel staff. (Oh yes, time to truly unwind. Not having to worry about a thing. Having your every wish read right off your lips.)

A delicious continental breakfast buffet is served daily in the hotel’s own restaurant, Diadromos, and in the evening I can relax at the Anaktoro bar with a drink overlooking the surrounding landscape. (Now that’s what I’m talking about, yes.)

As a guest of the Palace Hotel Knossos Corridor, I also have access to a lounge bar with an LCD satellite TV featuring pay-per-view channels, and I can enjoy the comfort of 24-hour room service. Furthermore, I benefit from free public parking right at the Corridor Palace Hotel Knossos. (Dusty roadside dirt lots, I assume.)

I can reach Heraklion International Airport “Nikos Kazantzakis” (HER) from the Knossos Hotel Palace Corridor by car in just 5 minutes. Public buses run every 20 minutes from a stop located just 30 meters from the main entrance, granting me convenient connections to all tourist destinations across the island from the Hotel Corridor Palace Knossos. (Yes, lovely, but what…?)

By the way, the Knossos Corridor Palace awaits me as an eco-friendly hotel making every effort to be climate-neutral. (Yes, fine, but what about the spa? The fitness center, the hairdresser, the manicure, the wide selection of scrubs, Ayurveda, and massages?! Another total bust. On to the next hotel. It’s all just a click away anyway.)